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Post By Manga Shoggoth Thu Sep 22, 2005 at 07:03:12 am EDT |
Subject My contribution: "Never send a Shoggoth to do a Man's job." Originally Lair Legion Living Room: the round robin!!! |
In Reply To Visionary Wed Sep 21, 2005 at 10:19:14 pm EDT |
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There were many approaches to Monitor Duty.
The traditional approach, of course, was to avoid doing it. Throughout the history of the Lair Legion, many excuses had been applied - I swapped with Visionary; I've been retconned by the Hooded Hood to be a villain; I've been replaced by an evil double; I'm Visionary.
Alas, there are times when the lucky candidate just has to bite the bullet (so to speak) and sit in front of the monitors, staring into nothing as their sanity slowly slips away.
The Manga Shoggoth was on Monitor Duty. At least on this occasion, sanity was not an option.
It had done a little rewiring on the equipment, and now the monitors were all white blurs. This was currently the cause of much bad language from Al. B. Harper as he tried to straighten out the system. "Straighten out" is, of course, a delicate term when applied to a system designed and built by NTU-150, and then further modified by a blasphemous elder creature who wanted to watch Anime at the same time as watching the various news feeds.
At length, the various monitors flickered and displayed clear pictures.
Hey, I was watching them! burbled the Shoggoth, who had indeed been watching its entire Anime collection at the time.
"Sorry," replied Alric. "But Sir Mumphery has explicitly requested that the feeds be visible to normal humans as well. I've left you the top right monitor if you really have to watch cartoons."
The Shoggoth have a sort of Humph, and started transferring all the tapes and DVDs to the player feeding that monitor. Alric decided that he just did not want to know. There was weird science, and weird science.
"What are you doing on Monitor Duty?" he asked. This was a fair question, as the general feeling amongst the team was that the Shoggoth's viewpoint was, well, too alien to discern the genuine emergencies from the general dross.
Nothing else to do... replied the Shoggoth, slightly mournfully.
The top right monitor flickered and died - presumably due to overload, but since nearly all the anime in existence had just been channelled through it by an elder creature, nervous breakdown was a possible option.
The Shoggoth stared at it. It started up again, very quickly.
"There's a poker game in the games room..."
Disqualified.
"...?"
I was told the Joker was a wild card, so I dealt everyone Jokers. They said it was cheating and besides they couldn't tell who had one if the cards were all wild. Primates. It's not as if it is difficult, even for dimensionally limited creatures as yourselves.
"So, who would have won?"
The one with the highest score, of course. I couldn't tell - all the cards look alike to me.
Alric decided to try a new tack. "There's a sudoku puzzle in the paper."
No thanks. Thinking down to that level gives me a headache.
"But you don't..."
Exactly.
What, he thought, are you supposed to do with a clinically bored Shoggoth.
You think you have problems. What are you supposed to do if you are a clinically bored Shoggoth.
"Look," he said. "I really need to finish tidying the lab after the last attempt at purifying you. I'll catch you later."
The Shoggoth returned to its task. Hmmmm. Supervillain attack on the Safe? Seems normal. Massive earthquake? No. That's quite a small one. Giant Asteroid impact? Haven't had one of them for years. Last one was quite boring, though.
It was a slow night in the Lair Legion. Nobody questioned why it was a slow night.
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